I link to this information from my booking form for discovery calls, but I’m sharing this as a blog piece too as I’m told its useful info to have!
If you are considering booking a call, please read on to help you understand what coaching is, whether it's right for you, and what issues I do (and don't) help with.
WHAT IS COACHING AND HOW IS IT DIFFERENT TO THERAPY?
Coaching is for people who are able to look positively towards the future and take action steps to creating the future they want. If someone feels held back by the impact of past events, they need therapy/counselling.
So if a potential client says to me: “Since I was assaulted, I can’t get close to anyone sexually – I shut down. But I long to have a happy sex life. Can you help?” No I can’t help at this point - this person has unresolved trauma and needs therapy before coaching. But if they say something like, “I feel like I’ve never had great sex, I’ve always focused on what a partner wanted, and I’m not even sure what I want… but now is the time for me to find out!” and they have no unresolved trauma, coaching may be right for them.
If they add “I was assaulted when I was younger, but I’ve had therapy around that, and it doesn’t hold any emotional charge. I’m ready to move on” they are a candidate for coaching. Their trauma has been resolved.
Therapy looks to the past; coaching looks to the future.
WHAT HAPPENS IN COACHING WITH ME?
In coaching, we have talking sessions on zoom. I may recommend resources to explore in your own time, and create bespoke workbooks for you to complete between sessions.
I help people understand who they are sexually, how they got to where they are now, what they want in the future, and how to move towards that. I help them identify and change unhelpful beliefs or mindsets, understand their bodies and how arousal works, develop skills such as communicating with partners, and work out what they want to explore I the future (and how to do so healthily).
Coaching is for people ready to go on a deep-dive into how their unique minds and bodies work around sex.
WHAT I DON’T DO
I don’t help people find sexual partners - I am not a hook-up or relationships coach. So if someone’s query is “I'm single and I haven’t had sex for a long time, help me find someone to have sex with”, I am not the right practitioner.
I do not do any in-person or physical work, or teach hands-on sex techniques. There is no nudity in coaching sessions. I work with mindset and with the big picture of how we view sex.
For example: if someone has premature ejaculation and worries they are not pleasing their partner, is embarrassed and can’t talk to their partner, and wants to be taught physical delay techniques: no, that’s not what I teach (there are other resources which do). If however that same person wants to expand their view of sex - away from it all being reliant on their erect penis – and learn to drop the embarrassment and communicate with their partner, I can help with that!
If someone has vaginismus (where the vaginal muscles clamp shut) and has not had any medical or therapist support, and wants a programme of exercises to resolve it, that’s not what I teach. If that same person has had medical and therapist support around vaginismus, and as part of their ongoing journey wants to explore their mindset around sex, how to expand pleasure beyond being all about the genitals, and how to communicate their needs to a partner, that’s what I help with.
As coach, I do not have medial training or qualification and am not a psychotherapist.
In a discovery call you give me an overview of your situation, what you feel the challenges are to moving forward, and what you’d like in your ideal future. We have a short chat around that, and then around whether coaching is the next step for you, whether now is the right time, and whether my courses, webinars or 1-2-1 coaching are right for you.
It is not a coaching session.
If you have not given me much detail about why you are contacting me, on your Calendly booking form, I will ask you some questions by email first. This is to protect both your time and mine. If you are not prepared to answer questions/give me background, our call won’t go ahead. This is to reduce the number of prank calls and no-shows I deal with, which use up time which could instead go towards genuine enquiries and clients.
Thank you for understanding.
WHAT RESULTS MIGHT I SEE?
See my testimonials page for the life-changing results my clients get – when coaching is right for them and now is the right time for them to move forward.
If after reading the above you feel excited about coaching, and that it’s right for you, then I look forward to hearing from you.